How To Deal With Energy Vampires Effectively

Have you ever experienced someone sucking your life-force dry and draining your energy?  

Well, I was reading a productivity book recently and I was introduced to the term “energy vampire.” Instantaneously a light went on in my head and memories began to flood of my dealings with a vampire. 

So energy draining were these interactions with an energy vampire that right then and there it hit me.  For the second post in a row, I had been redirected to write about something different than what I originally had planned.

My own dark encounter with an energy drainer that I learned quite a bit from.

Coming up I’m going to define then break down a few of the different types of vampires that could be sucking your life-force dry.  Then I will give you a few solutions for permanently driving a stake through their energy draining hearts(figuratively, of course).

What Is An Energy Vampire?

When I read the following definition in the book “Show Your Work” by Austin Kleon, I knew exactly who I had in mind.  You know an energy draining vampire,

“If after hanging out with someone you feel worn out and depleted.” 

That’s it. Now let your conscience marinate on that and think of all the people (or things) that could apply to.

For me, energy vampires have been everywhere throughout my life. I just wasn’t as aware when I was younger to spot them. 

One in particular in the form of a 20-year “friendship” that is no more.  Another in the form of the time I would waste worrying about the current events headlines I constantly read.  

Both situations were soul-sucking me for years.  And my advice is, spot your energy drainers right away and banish them.

Why Is It Important To Stop Someone From Draining Your Energy?

First and foremost, it is important for your mental and emotional stability.  What got me off-balance was that I gave credence to the energy vampire in my life to begin with.  

To this day I ask myself why I did that.  My conscience knew better.  I would routinely ask myself, “why do I know this person?”  I had no answer except our interactions weren’t all bad at first.  But they occasionally went from normal to contentious in a split of a second.  I guess I kept hoping our “normal” interactions would prevail more often.  Boy, was I wrong.

So yeah, the endless back and forth had me off balance mentally.

Which leads me to the second most important reason why vampires in your life must be stopped.  They’re not only a drain on your energy but on your time also.

Man did I waste time.  I have dreams of what I could have done with all that time instead.  Shake my head every time.  

And lastly, “R-E-S-P-E-C-T.”  Kudos if you’re old enough to get the reference:)

But the fact a vampire continues to drain your energy is because of their lack of respect for you(whether they know this or not). I realized this afterwards.  Because if they had respect for you they would be aware of their “disrespectful” energy draining ways and their effect on you.

I sure am.  And I try my damndest not to cross the lines of respect with anyone I communicate with.  So the least I could expect is the same in return.

5 Types Of Energy Vampires To Beware Of

I learned a ton researching this part.  To my amazement, vampires are everywhere.  Here are a few examples that you should be aware of just in case they materialize in your life.

Controlling/Dominant Vampire

This is the one that got me.  Dealing with this dude felt like I was walking on eggshells.  This person is inflexible and their opinions are sacrosanct (i.e., sacred; unimpeachable).  

Which I actually found funny and amusing at times.  The problem was that when I tried to assert a differing opinion it became a contentious debate a lot of times.  Because he knew he WAS right.

So either way, a lot of times I would just “let it go” so a fight would not materialize. This took a lot of mental energy to do time after time.

And other times, when I did engage the debate — that also took a bite out of my mental sanity as well.  I couldn’t win either way.  I finally learned my lesson — after twenty years.  

The lesson? This “controlling” energy vampire cannot be cured.  Stop wishing one day you’ll say something to make them realize the error in their ways.  Won’t happen. Move on.

How to deal with a “controlling” energy vampire?

This is similar to a bad relationship with a girlfriend or spouse.  Oddly enough, I actually had a girlfriend with a similar disposition before I knew this vampire. And in that case, I did the right thing.  She got cut off in a timely manner(4 years) compared to this twenty year vampire “friendship.” 

Bottom line is, a relationship with a “controlling” type vampire will end badly sooner or later.  As soon as you realize this is the type of vampire you’re dealing with — as they used to say, BOUNCE!…Leave!  No explanations necessary. No second chances.  Turn the page and spare your future loads of wasted energy and time.  

Victim Vampire

As I like to say, these people don’t live life.  Instead, it is more like life lives them.  Life happens to them. Their problems are mainly due to others not holding up their end.  Excuses are the name of the game and personal responsibility is not in their vocabulary.

It’s like this type of energy vampire does not realize everyone around them has their own life with their own issues.  So they overly rely on those close to them as a first option.  Not option B or C — after they have done all they can to remedy their issues.  

Basically, they can perceive a slight against them from a mile away.  In the most routine of daily circumstances.  So their negative energy looms large and is a huge energy drain if you find yourself engaged with this individual.  

How to deal with a victim energy vampire?

You have two choices with this type of vampire.  To either completely cut them off, depending on the type of relationship you have with them.  Or if that’s not an option then absolute boundaries need to be implemented.  

Don’t beat-around-the-bush with this vampire type.  If you need to set a time limit to your interactions, then do so.  Tell them directly that you can only spare a few minutes if they’re going to do their usual sulking or complaining.  Explain to them how their constant negative vibe makes you feel.  

Also, depending on the severity of their negativity(e.g., depression), feel free to advise them to seek professional help.  Although, go about all these options with an extreme level of tact and compassion.

Drama-Queen/King Vampire

We all generally have a “thing” that motivates what we do everyday.  Family, school, work, kids…etc.  To this vampire, drama is that thing that gets their juices flowing.  They are the moths and drama is their bright white light.  

These vampires have the capacity to make small, borderline inconsequential issues into full blown, drama-filled situations. Which means, a lot of time is wasted just rolling your eyes listening to their nonsense.

How to deal with a drama-queen energy vampire?

The big thing here involves your reaction.  As in — if you can sense the melodrama coming a mile away, do not fully engage their excitement.  In fact, your demeanor should reflect a high-level of disinterest without being rude.

How do you do this?  By not raising your energy/excitement level to theirs.  Remain calm.  Even stoic throughout their presentation.  And don’t give a hint of engagement by asking “follow up” questions.  

The hope here is that if you react like this enough times they’ll eventually get the picture.  They’ll sense your level of disinterest with certain topics and over time they will moderate themselves.  

Don’t Stop – Won’t Stop Talking Vampire

If you are the “people-pleaser” type, this vampire type is your kryptonite. So a person with an aversion to being rude will find this type of energy vampire super annoying.  They just talk non-stop and the “people-pleaser” type will normally let them go on without interruption.

This vampire’s non-stop chatter is energy draining because of their lack of self-awareness.  They don’t realize that they are monopolizing the conversation to the nth degree which speaks to their lack of respect for you. Your time, your dreams and your whole life can be drained away if you don’t find a way to put this chatterbox vampire in check.

How to deal with a non-stop talking energy vampire?

You need a high-degree of tact with this vampire.  If your relationship is not so close, you need to straight up interrupt them and ask to speak.  These types of energy vampires do not often pick up on social cues like you looking disinterested or annoyed.  So being polite but direct is the way to go.

On the other hand, if you have a close relationship with this type of vampire, you can try the humor route. Suddenly quip if they “need an oxygen tank.”  Or implore them to just take a breath.  Anything to break their flow and perhaps they’ll gain a bit of self-awareness about what they’re doing.  

Innocent Vampire

As the name implies, this vampire type is generally harmless.  They are mostly unaware of their energy draining status.  They can be anyone. A friend, co-worker or even a child that is a little too reliant on you regularly. 

Unlike the victim vampire, the innocent type isn’t negative in any way.  They just don’t know what to do at certain times and have become overly dependent on you for help.  

How to deal with an innocent energy vampire? 

What makes this vampire type innocent is that they don’t have any dubious motives for constantly relying on you.  They truly don’t know and in a lot of instances are willing to learn.  So teach them.

I definitely see the parallel between this energy vampire type and my kids.  As parents we understand our children are innocent — but up to a certain point in life — they are very much vampires.   Their vampire ways gradually begin to dissipate the more I teach them and expose them to. 

The same applies to anyone in your life with a similar disposition.

Conclusion  

You probably can name a few other types of energy vampires that hover over your life.  And also, I’m sure by now you get the sense that not all energy vampire types fit neatly under one label.  Indeed, a particular individual can be a cross of several vampire designations.

But the point of this post is to bring the energy vampire concept to your attention in order for you to be vigilant.  After all, your time and energy are valuable.

Remember, this concept does not only apply to people.  Other frivolous activities and/or devices can be huge energy drainers in your life.

That’s why the number one thing to do is to take your time and energy seriously.  Don’t let personality conflicts(with yourself) stop you from setting the proper boundaries.  And the proper time limits on would-be energy suckers.

The final point is, nothing or no one can drain your life-force unless you let them.  

So in essence, take heed and don’t be me. That’s 20 years of valuable time and energy I wish I could get back.