Unlock The Secret To A Happier Life by Letting Go Of Expectations — 6 Unrealistic Expectations You Must Give Up Today

Have you ever found yourself expecting something to happen only to be disappointed in the end? The answer is most likely yes for you, me, and the rest of humanity.

If you think about it, much of your “emotional intelligence” rides on the ebbs and flows of the myriad of expectations you place on yourself.  Expectations force you to live constantly in the future.

We fool ourselves by thinking: “I’ll be happy when I get my driver’s license.” Or “I’ll be good when I graduate.” “Things will be great when I’m married” or “When I have kids.” For older folks, the thought could be, “Life begins when the kids are out of the house.”

No matter the expectation, we must understand that actual life outcomes/circumstances don’t determine our happiness. Instead, it is our perspective and expectations of life events that affect our sense of life satisfaction.

This means — IT IS TIME TO LET GO! It is time to shift your mindset by letting go of expectations that only drag down your overall happiness quotient.

Let’s start by letting go of these six useless expectations on your way to experiencing the “no expectations happy life.”

1. Letting Go Of Expectations of Others

The Disappointment

In my experience, this is the single most crippling expectation of all.  When you consistently expect others to behave according to your liking, desires, or beliefs.  I’m telling you directly, don’t even entertain making this “a thing” in your relationship with other people in your life.

This mindset WILL let you down regularly and lead to much heartache and frustration throughout your life. And indeed, there’s a deeper psychology behind the resentment brought about by unrealistic expectations of others.

In the meantime, just think about how unique you are. Well, the same applies to those other souls around you. And that means that trying to peg expectations on others will undoubtedly lead to disappointment at times. 

So accept this and don’t stress when others fail to meet expectations. And only concern yourself with what you CAN control. Your mindset and perspective.

A Word On The Expectation Of Changing Others

In short, it is a fool’s errand.

The only surefire things you can expect to control in this universe are your thoughts and actions. That’s it—no more.

That means that choosing wisely who you decide to associate with throughout your life is very important. You stand a better chance at relating with others by having common values from the get-go than by expecting them to change.

Just know your thoughts have the incredible power to create happiness or impart misery. Letting go of expectations of others is the sensible mindset to adopt to achieve the former.

Take Them As They Come 

This advice applies to people not under your direct supervision or care, such as children. 

But the idea is, think of people you relate to as a whole package. You see the package. You analyze what it contains. And you either choose to buy the total package based on what you observed, or you don’t. What you don’t do is buy a package based on what you think it could become or some ulterior use you think it might have.

Likewise, scrutinize your relationships meticulously initially. As I tell my children, you should rely on godly principles to better assist your analysis and evaluation. But once you accept who to forge a personal relationship with — don’t apply expectations on them beyond what they presented in their “original packaging.”

That would be unreasonable and unfair, even if you think it’s good for them.

Make “No Expectations, Happy Life” A Lifestyle 

I sure have. I still remember how stressful life was living the perpetual “righteousness” lifestyle.

Expecting others to be as righteous and upstanding as I thought I was. Whether it was expecting a certain type of service at a place of business. Or expecting a family member to attend an important family gathering. Steadfastly relying on my expectations of others let me down routinely. And I quickly realized my mental approach needed a shift.

Letting go of expectations of others became a mantra that I came to subscribe to in all parts of my life — except one—parenting my children(expectations of those you are in charge of are a whole different ball game 😁). 

But I even perfected the art of not expecting much from my dear, awesome wife. Which only increased my appreciation for her by allowing me to focus on what she actually does for us. And not what my expectations for her may have been at certain times.

The bottom line is that it liberates your soul and conscience to live in the moment and process what materializes in real-time. Living with constant expectations of others has the exact opposite effect. 

So give the “no expectations, happy life” way of living the old college try.

Letting Go Tips

To have success at letting go of expectations, you need to start by focusing on your actions instead of those of others.

Practice the following ideas to cultivate a proper expectation-free mindset:

1. Accept reality: Let it sink in that people are fallible, and their actions don’t always align with your desires or expectations.
2. Cultivate empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider their point of view, emotions, and circumstances.
3. Become more patient: This should go hand-in-hand with having empathy. Realize, you, too, have areas of deficiency that could be soothed by someone else’s patience.
4. Detach your emotions: There’s a fine line between empathy and emotional detachment.  Practice what I call reasoned empathy.  Think deeply about another person’s circumstance but don’t get too emotionally attached.
5. Live in the moment more often: Focus intently and be fully present and engaged in the current moment.  Slap away creeping thoughts and distractions related to future expectations of events or people.

2. Do Not Expect To Be In Total Control

God, Control, and You

Do not expect to be in total control of every aspect of your life. I learned this the hard way when I suffered from mental stress and sleeping problems for years.

Life is full of circumstances that are beyond our control. And the reason is that fully controlling our existence is way above our pay grade. As the verse in Proverbs (16:9) says, “A man may plot out his course, but it is the LORD who directs his steps.”

And that’s all you need to know regarding expectations you may have about micromanaging your life to the nth degree. Ultimately, it is God who will decree outcomes in your life.

All you have to do is make good decisions by “choosing life” as God instructs in Deuteronomy 30:19.  Doing so is your best option for directing blessings and good tidings in your life. But having the expectation of you being the ultimate orchestrator of outcomes in your life?

That. Will. Never. Happen.

And this is why letting go of expectations and, as I’ve heard some say — letting God do His thing — is the order of the day for achieving the life satisfaction you seek.

Tips for Dealing With Expectation Of Control Tendencies 

I cycle through these ideas whenever I sense that I am trying to over-control or over-analyze a situation.

1. Trust God: I reinforce my trust in God by studying. I have a list of Bible verses and notes I’ve written for when I get too carried away worrying and trying to control everything.  One of my first notes says, “The guiding transmission from God is always good. (Even when you subjectively perceive something as unpleasant or bad …. it is for the ultimate good).”
2. Choose your battles: Realize that not everyone processes life like you do. And thus, your priorities are not necessarily the same as those around you.  For me, it has become interesting and fun to pick and choose what I’m going to address seriously with those around me and what I’m going to let slide. Letting go of expectations of controlling everything has been good for my soul.
3. Swallow hard, remain calm, and live to fight another day: When you choose your battles you have to “mentally” be okay when things happen around you that you don’t fully agree with. You have to remain calm and “roll with the punches” as they say. I find the strength and tranquility to “let things go” by recalling the following verse: “I observed all the happenings beneath the sun, and I found that all is futile and pursuit of wind.”(Ecclesiastes 1:14) In short, focusing your energies on the transient material world is fruitless. It is your devotion to God’s precepts that brings eternal reward. So, as the verse says, don’t sweat “the happenings beneath the sun.”

3. Do Not Expect Approval From Others

The Lord-Almighty Is Your Biggest Fan

Have you ever found yourself yearning for the validation and approval of others? Of course, we all have.

But there’s a fine line between being genial to seem courteous, agreeable, and non-threatening. And the type of approval you literally count on to validate your existence.

Don’t let expectations of approval from others be a “thing” in your life. Earthly subjects can be fickle, subjective, and unreliable forms of affirmation.  After almost fifty years on this planet, I can certify that that approach to satisfaction is a lost cause.  Why? Because God has a specific purpose for you, me, and everyone.

That means that the only approval you should be tuning in to comes from your Creator.  In fact, it is the approval of God-Almighty that the whole world should revolve around.

Every other source of modern-day approval — achievement, social status, friends, looks, fashion, materialism…etc. — is, to put it mildly, imperfect. Only with God as the foundation of anything in your life will you flourish — PERMANENTLY. 

And wherever that approach leads, you can be sure your Creator approves it. And it is precisely where He designed for you to be in life.

The Path to Real Validation? 

The answer is, getting connected with God.

Understanding that God’s approval is the only validation you need is liberating.  Knowing that you are sincerely living God’s purpose for you is confidence-boosting.  

When you truly feel connected with God, there’s nothing anyone else can say or do to diminish your self-esteem. Because you recognize everything in existence begins and ends with your Maker.  He is the beacon for everything. And as such, approval from any other source seems flat-out inconsequential.

This is why a relationship with God is the ultimate path to life satisfaction and fulfillment.

4. Do Not Expect To Have Unlimited Time

When you are younger, you put many things on the back burner and may expect to get back to them at some point in your life. And then real life hits. This usually means more people filter into your life, and you find yourself entangled in a web of commitments and responsibilities. 

Be Intentional with Your Priorities

Prioritize and do what matters most first. Embrace a mindful approach toward time management and learn to discriminate between the important and the inconsequential. 

Recognize that it is imperative to allocate your time and energy to the high-priority aspects of your life: Faith, family, career, personal development, and well-being. 

When inundated with tasks, pause and contemplate what truly deserves your attention. By acknowledging the limitations of time, you will gradually discover the astounding benefits of prioritizing.

Embrace the Art of “Just Good Enough”

And since now you know there isn’t unlimited time, you will also come to terms with another liberating truth: it’s okay to do certain things “just good enough.” I’ll admit, this idea was a revelation to me.

Not everything you set out to do in a day can be accomplished with the same degree of energy and focus. To try to do too much with the same intensity often leads to a counterproductive spiral of wasted time and fruitless endeavors. 

A good tip here is to try to execute your most brain-power-inducing assignments as soon as you wake up.  From my experience, my energy and alertness is peak every day till right before noon. 

So embark on the journey of letting go of expectations of unlimited time. By concentrating on what matters most and accepting the idea of pursuing “just good enough” at times, you will find yourself more agreeable, happier, and productive day-in-and-day-out.

5. Do Not Expect Success Will Follow A Straight Path

The Importance of Perseverance in the Journey of Life

Your journey in life will resemble, more likely, a jagged spiral full of ups and downs. And it makes perfect sense because, after all, it is through challenges and setbacks that you learn and grow. That’s how God designed it. 

Just look at the countless biblical stories with messages of challenges, setbacks, perseverance and overcoming.

There was Abraham, who God called to depart his homeland and leave his family behind abruptly. And then, at one point, God tested him to sacrifice his son. 

Then there was Moses. On top of dealing with a speech impediment, Moses dealt with continuous setbacks trying to keep the Israelites focused on having faith and trusting God.

The point is perseverance is the key to navigating the twists and turns of life that will surely come. Or as Psalms 34:18-19 puts it: 

 “They cry out, and the LORD hears, and saves them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; those crushed in spirit He delivers.”

This reminds you that if you persevere and keep the faith, you will eventually overcome and find success. So, let’s dive into embracing a mindset that anticipates setbacks, and you instinctively keep going and learn from them.

This is what ultimate success at anything looks like.

6. Do Not Expect Specific Future Outcomes

You Don’t Know Jack

Take it from me, it is futile to expect anything in life. Don’t do it. If your general mindset is “things must happen this way,” then you’ll likely be on the fast track to having a downtrodden spirit.

I made the mistake of engaging in these types of future “outcome” expectations when I was younger. It wasn’t anything direct or steadfast but I always had this idea about my future in the back of my mind.

And that was that when my four children(all boys) were in their teens, we could put together a mean father/son basketball team. Silly, I know. But if you understood my passion for the game, you would understand my wide-eyed excitement.

Long story short, my playing career was cut short by severe neurological issues in my body. A multiple sclerosis(MS) diagnosis, to be exact. Sometimes I see how other people my age are doing the seemingly “normal” things I thought I’d be able to do, and I dip a bit emotionally.

All that to say, we know nothing. I have many more examples of expectations going sideways. But the thing to do is…

Seize the Present Moment

Man, God is incredible. 

If you’re not convinced by the sheer amount of uncertainty in our world that there has to be a transcendent guiding force that we must depend on — then you are just not looking deep enough.

Our job is simple. Acknowledge our Creator. And just follow. He knows the ultimate game plan. Life sucks when you’re “off the path” you were created to walk on.

That said, to follow means to “choose life” — TODAY! It means living every day ecstatic in appreciation for what happens — TODAY! Even if it’s the same thing over and over again like my life seems to be. 

But instead of feeling down and disheartened, God has led me to the proper perspective, which I verbalize when I regularly say this prayer: “Thank you, Lord, for my ability to walk and see. Thank you, God, for the peace and stability in our life. Thank you, Lord, for everything that goes smoothly for us day-in-and-day-out.”

That’s it. Immerse yourself in a detailed appreciation of your daily blessings. The Captain(God) of the ship will take care of the outcomes in your life now and in the future.

So, embrace the beauty of the present moment by getting closer to God. It is by letting go of expectations and cultivating an attitude of gratitude that you will chart a course toward a more peaceful and happy existence.

My Final Point Is…

Dare to live the “no expectations, happy life” lifestyle. 

For me, the most significant selling point of “letting go of expectations” is the element of surprise. Honestly, when you wipe your mind clean of any expectations, many things you experience every day are a pleasant surprise.

I tell my kids regularly the proper mindset to have about life is this:

1. Expect nothing!
2. Whatever you do, work hard, give it your best.
3. “Choose life” by staying within the “game rules” of life that God has devised.

 The last part is to sit and wait eagerly for what happens. Instead of expecting a specific result like — YOU ARE GOD — be in genuine anticipation of the outcome because either way, it teaches you something.

Namely, if things turn out how you thought, then you are on the right track. If they don’t, then you probably should pivot somewhere. 

But the point is, this type of mental approach puts you in perpetual engagement with your Creator. In a constant “dance” of sorts. Where you are constantly in communication with God based on the outcomes in your life.

And for me, the excitement lies in the many surprises that God brings my way. Especially if, in my mind, I had predicted something else. This continual process leads to a joyful, fulfilling existence. 

All you have to do is start letting go of expectations and hence, enjoy the daily, intimate ride the Lord Almighty takes you on.

F.A.Q.

Why do we struggle with letting go of expectations?

We struggle with letting go of expectations because they are often tied to our sense of control and security. Expectations give us a sense of direction and purpose, and they help us feel like we have some control over our lives. 

However, when our expectations are not met, we can feel disappointed, frustrated, and even angry. It can be difficult to let go of these feelings and the expectations that caused them. 

Additionally, we may fear the unknown and the uncertainty that comes with letting go of expectations. It takes courage and trust in our Creator to release our expectations and embrace the uncertainty that leads us to our true calling in life.
Here’s a 7-step guide that can further assist in letting go of expectations and achieving a happier life.